For the seventh week of 2019 as part of Wandering Through the Shelves' Thursday Movie Picks. It’s Valentine’s Day as it’s all about romantic comedies. The films that guys take their girlfriends to see to see that love can conquer all and also provide some laughs. It’s a genre that isn’t for everyone as it went through a decline in recent years but it has been a genre that would deliver. However, they tend to delve into elements of too much fantasy and not enough reality where it give people false illusions of what love can be. That is why there’s been so many romantic-comedies over the years that have absolutely fucking sucked ass. Here are my three picks of some of the worst romantic comedies… ever:
1. He’s Just Not That Into You
If anyone chooses to make a film based on some shitty self-help book, stay the fuck away from it. It is a horrible film filled with a lot of pretty people acting like morons where the few that seem to realize how ridiculous the film is are Ben Affleck and Kris Kristofferson are just there for the paycheck and were phoning it in. Never was there a film where, with the exception of Affleck, Kristofferson, and Jennifer Aniston, not only did I dislike everyone but I basically could care less about their problems in trying to find love. Even as it portray women as idiots or sluts with men as shit-for-brain know-it-alls or desperately horny.
2. Valentine’s Day
Another stupid film that features Bradley Cooper though in a more tolerable role as a guy Julia Roberts meets as she’s a military officer given a brief time to return home. It’s a film that wants to play into how great this holiday is though it really shows people being pathetic and stupid. We have Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift as a high school couple who decide to abstain from sex (and we all know how that will turn out for anyone that dates Swift) while Patrick Dempsey is a married guy who falls for Jennifer Garner. We also have recurring Garry Marshall regular Hector Elizondo learning that Shirley MacLaine cheated on him while Anne Hathaway reveals to her boyfriend Topher Grace that she’s a phone sex operator. Ashton Kutcher proposes to Jessica Alba who later have second thoughts and blah, blah, blah.
3. How Do You Know
From James L. Brooks comes what is probably not just one of the worst rom-coms ever but also one of the worst films ever made. More importantly, how the fuck did this piece of film cost $120 million to make plus $30 million for its marketing? The salaries that its stars Reese Witherspoon ($15 million), Jack Nicholson ($12 million), Owen Wilson ($10 million), and Paul Rudd ($3 million) were given plus the $10 million salary Brooks is given is insane. Not to mention that it’s got a horrendous story involving a love triangle between a softball player, her douchebag professional baseball player boyfriend, and a troubled executive who is indicted by the federal government over finances that his father committed. It’s a film that goes all over the place and with the exception of Rudd’s character as well as a notable small role from Kathryn Hahn, there aren’t a lot of likeable characters nor people and situations to really be invested in.
Before I bid adieu. Here is a mix of anti-Valentine’s Day songs that I present to all of these people who latch on to these pathetic romantic-comedies. So until then, happy Valentine’s Day dick-wads.
© thevoid99 2019
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