Directed by: Peter Jackson
Rating: ★★★
I’m going to begin this review by saying that I remember absolutely nothing about last year’s Hobbit film, except that Dame Edna Everage was in it as a fat troll King.
It was a forgettable and largely bland beginning to a nonsense trilogy, and if I remember correctly, it spent 45 minutes introducing ‘wacky’ Dwarves that were all essentially the same character but with differing amounts of terrible hair and makeup.
This year, I was once again forced against my will to watch the second part of the trilogy directed by hack B-movie director Peter Jackson, but, this time round, I was pleasantly surprised. I expected the worst, and luckily, didn’t get it.
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| Martin Freeman is back as |
The Desolation of Smaug is, at the very least, entertaining, and even though I couldn’t remember what was happening or even why Bilbo (Freeman) and his camp Dwarves were walking through Middle Earth, it didn’t really matter because this silly sequel is a fun and, at times, enjoyable outing.
Sure, you have to give yourself a brain aneurism before entering the cinema, as this film trilogy ignores the basics of storytelling such as a plot and narrative continuity (who else remembered that, in the first part, an older Bilbo is actually telling the story to Frodo?- this fact is completely omitted) then you will have a good time. And since a lot of thisyears’ cinema has been like a wad of phlegm dribbling down the Hollywood sign, The Desolation of Smaug is, comparatively, not that bad at all.
The film begins with a flashback for some reason, but this is quickly forgotten when Bilbo and company go into a forest and are attacked by giant spiders. They are then saved by a She-Elf called Tauriel (Lilly) and a He-Elf, or just an Elf, because for some reason Elves are only gender specific when it comes to females because there is only one, called Legolas (Bloom) who you may remember from 10 years ago when he was a sex symbol but now isn’t.
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| Legolas is pretty badass- he gets an awful lot of action scenes. |
The crew then meet Thrandull (Pace), another Wood Elf, who is King, and after this they escape in barrels and have a barrel of laughs (get it?) in an escape scene that mixes together the killing of Orcs and white water rafting. As ludicrous as this sounds, this is perhaps the best, most interesting scene in the whole film, mainly because we have to wait at least 2 hours before we see the titular dragon.
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| The barrel rolling escape scene is insanely inventive... |
The merry band then go to Lake-Town, where they meet the strangely accented Bard the Bowman (Evans) and his annoying children, and then onto the Lonely Mountain where we finally get to see Smaug (Cumberbatch) the dragon. It’s been a long wait, but it was worth it. He’s a cool dragon. And he breathes fire. And he has loads of gold. And he’s voiced by that dude from that terrible BBC show, Sherlock.
Add in hundreds of Orcs, a touch of romance and a sprinkling of a molten gold, and we have the second in The Hobbit trilogy, which ends predictably with a cliff-hanger to make us eager for the final instalment. But since no one seemed to care about seeing this one, I’m sure that no one is chomping at the bit to see part three.
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| I'm pretty sure that Thorin was the main character in the first film... |
Anyway, as insulting as I want to be, I actually rather liked the film, mainly because my expectations were so low. The Desolation of Smaug is much better structured than its predecessor, and is a lot pacier and therefore more interesting. Gandalf (McKellen), who was the best part about the first movie, has a random and extraneous subplot that probably should have been left on the cutting room floor.
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| McKellen is good, but he doesn't really need to be in the movie... |
The inclusion of Legolas and Tauriel was a very good move, mainly because they really are the best thing about the movie, and their love triangle, though ridiculous, kind of works and adds an extra element that makes the two and a half hour plus running time seem less painful to endure.
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| Tauriel is a great addition to the trilogy... |
As much as I liked Smaug, I really feel that the film should have ended before we see him, because once we do, the movie seems to lose focus and pace and starts to feel long. The elaborate chase scene in the mountain looks insane, and not in a good way, as I find it hard to believe that a group of five foot tall Dwarves could outsmart a massive fire breathing dragon. And why would they literally fight fire with fire? It makes no sense!
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| Smaug is scary- but not desolate. The name of the film doesn't make sense... |
Unfortunately my main criticism of The Desolation of Smaug is that there’s no real energy or genuine excitement. Yes it’s silly and funny and kind of interesting, but ultimately the movie is just a lifeless exercise in computer generated images that puts world building before the characters and story. It is cold, empty and, ironically for a film shot in 3D, almost completely flat.
Sure, there’s a shape shifting bear, a black whirlwind, giant spiders, sword fights, a giant smelter, Wood Elves, Orcs, gold coins, decapitations, a love triangle and a dragon, but where’s the heart…?
To put it simply, The Desolation of Smaug doesn’t really cover any new ground, except for epic river rafting barrel fighting, but it is a well put together and pretty entertaining foray into fantasy, and I’m sure that fans of Tolkien- and anyone else who enjoys zany action set pieces- will enjoy it.
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| Luckily for us, there isn't so much walking in the movie this time round... |
In my review last year I hoped that this one would be action packed with hardly any exposition, and that is exactly what I got, so I can’t really complain now can I?
The only thing I will moan about is that fact that I’m going to have to sit through another Hobbit film next year..
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